I was just picked up from my annual “Christmas Kennel Hiatus” as it has become traditionally known. It is in this kennel where I spend all Christmas day in a cage since the spoiled little shit teenagers they hire to take us out for pee breaks refuse to work on Christmas because they’re too busy at home opening presents from their schmuck parents. They probably didn’t even get what they want!

But more to the point, has anyone seen that movie Year of the Dog? I will shit nails if anyone tries to pull that adopt-them-all shit around me. Keep your fleas and ticks and what have you at your respective rescue centers, thank you.

Instead of being caged on Christmas, I could be stowed with luggage on a plane and swifted away to a winter wonderland. But I never get taken because I’m too much of a “hastle”, which I’m pretty sure is a German word for “loyal”. It’s good to have some time away from loved ones, you know!