I normally don’t pay much attention to politics, but a few weeks ago I heard someone talking about how one of the Presidential candidates, “has no balls.” I thought to myself, “Hey… I don’t have balls either! Maybe I should give this guy a look.”

After doing some research, I found out we have more in common than not having balls. For instance, we’re both:

• Half black
• Fatherless
• Equally intelligent

and…

• We both shit outside

Now don’t think I only vote based on whether or not a candidate is sans-testicles or likes to shit outside. Just because neither of us have balls doesn’t mean I’m automatically voting for him!

Since getting to know Barack Hussein Obama on a personal level, I’ve discovered an even deeper connection to him. I, like most of Hussein’s supporters, have a degrees from an elite academic institute (I got mine from the Potty Proud Puppies Academy). The reason we have these credentials is because… well… frankly we’re just simply smarter than the common working folk. I mean… they probably don’t even know what arugula is!

You see, lesser educated folk can’t possibly wrap their minds around what us guys from elite education programs (like Harvard and Potty Proud Puppies Academy) understand. But don’t feel bad. Hussein and I have everything under control. I believe the time has come to bring down those evil, greedy, profit-oriented corporations and make America a little more like the rest of the world. I mean… what exactly have those corporations done anyway, right?!

In addition to having a candidate I can finally identify with on an intellectual basis, I’m also really impressed with Hussein’s mentors. (Hussein and I refer to each other by our middle names, which is why he calls me “Tinkerbelle”… no further questions on this matter).

Anyway, what I like about Hussein’s mentors is that they’ve got a little bite to their bark. Take this Jeramiah Wright guy for instance whom Hussein has been friends with for 20 years and even donated $27,000.00 to. When evil white-men infected black people with AIDS and plotted the 9/11 terrorist attacks, did Wright just sit there wimpering in the corner about how unfair life is? No way! For decades, he has decried these obvious travesties from his pulpit with Hussein cheering him along each step of the way.

I’ll talk more about Hussein’s mentors later, but for now I’d like to cut right to chase.

Fellow bitches and gentlemen, I am throwing my name into the ring to be Hussein’s running mate. If he wisely chooses me as his running mate… I promise to make working between the hours of 2:00 pm - 3:30 pm illegal. It is high time this nation “awakes” to the virtues of the afternoon nap! (Note my clever pun? Of course you did! …Unless you’re one of those small-minded types who cling to guns and religion, in which case, don’t worry about it).

Hussein-Scout ‘08!

I was just picked up from my annual “Christmas Kennel Hiatus” as it has become traditionally known. It is in this kennel where I spend all Christmas day in a cage since the spoiled little shit teenagers they hire to take us out for pee breaks refuse to work on Christmas because they’re too busy at home opening presents from their schmuck parents. They probably didn’t even get what they want!

But more to the point, has anyone seen that movie Year of the Dog? I will shit nails if anyone tries to pull that adopt-them-all shit around me. Keep your fleas and ticks and what have you at your respective rescue centers, thank you.

Instead of being caged on Christmas, I could be stowed with luggage on a plane and swifted away to a winter wonderland. But I never get taken because I’m too much of a “hastle”, which I’m pretty sure is a German word for “loyal”. It’s good to have some time away from loved ones, you know!

It’s like everytime I leave the house now, “Oooh Scout! When are you going to update your blog?” That’s all anyone ever talks about to me, the blog, THE BLOG!

I’ll tell you when I’m going to update my blog: WHEN I’M GOD DAMN GOOD AND READY!

I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. That’s what Daddy said. He said I’m his little man and I can update my blog whenever I please. And also that I’m “goodboy” for not barking when I saw this mutt bitch outside the window. She was so close though. Fifty feet, tops. I didn’t bark though. Gee golly, no I did not. I “bruffed,” but that’s not barking, it’s just making a “bruff” noise as if to indicate I long to bark. I did bruff though. I PLEAD GUILTY TO BRUFFING, EVERYONE!

She comes a foot closer, I break out into a full-blown howl. Let’s just keep that between you and I.